The Parent Trap
As the pregnancy develops and focus occasionally turns to what happens when the big bump one day will burst forth, questions fly at you like a flurry of punches, but one in particular stands above them all - What kind of parent am I going to be?
There is no parenting school and no licence required. All you need to know is the birds and the bees and you are on your way.
So how to parent? Without even knowing it our first instinct it to repeat the sins of the father/mother.
I remember when I was in high school a bunch of us were sitting round, postulating about our various bed-times, how much TV were we allowed to watch, allowances/pocket money, etc. Then we got to talking about what policies we would implement on our future kids. Only one said he wouldn't let his kids watch any TV - he was the guy whose parents didn't let him watch any....
That is, the only thing we know about parenting is how our parents treated us. And as we sadly know, traits especially bad ones (violence, abuse, etc) can be passed down from generation to generation.
There are many issues to be tackled. Discipline is a huge one. You want to educate your kids but what is the most effective way to do it? They bring home bad words from the playground - is washing the mouth out with soap and water even allowed as a legitimate threat in the 21st century? What about wait till your father gets home...Is this still used?
What about when the kids are bashing the bejesus out of each other? How to decide what to do? Often the kid who is crying is the one who started it all. Now I am starting to understand the meaning of this is going to hurt you more than it hurts me.
No right or wrong in parenting. You just want the best for your kids and as they progress in their journey of life so do you in your journey as a parent. There are no winners or losers in parenting; just survivors.
There is no parenting school and no licence required. All you need to know is the birds and the bees and you are on your way.
So how to parent? Without even knowing it our first instinct it to repeat the sins of the father/mother.
I remember when I was in high school a bunch of us were sitting round, postulating about our various bed-times, how much TV were we allowed to watch, allowances/pocket money, etc. Then we got to talking about what policies we would implement on our future kids. Only one said he wouldn't let his kids watch any TV - he was the guy whose parents didn't let him watch any....
That is, the only thing we know about parenting is how our parents treated us. And as we sadly know, traits especially bad ones (violence, abuse, etc) can be passed down from generation to generation.
There are many issues to be tackled. Discipline is a huge one. You want to educate your kids but what is the most effective way to do it? They bring home bad words from the playground - is washing the mouth out with soap and water even allowed as a legitimate threat in the 21st century? What about wait till your father gets home...Is this still used?
What about when the kids are bashing the bejesus out of each other? How to decide what to do? Often the kid who is crying is the one who started it all. Now I am starting to understand the meaning of this is going to hurt you more than it hurts me.
No right or wrong in parenting. You just want the best for your kids and as they progress in their journey of life so do you in your journey as a parent. There are no winners or losers in parenting; just survivors.
posted by Dot Co Dot Il at 9:34 AM
8 Comments:
'There are no winners or losers in parenting; just survivors'
I'm putting that on my fridge!
(I'm also going to write a parenting book called 'what NOT to do'- by now I'm an expert!)
Thanks K.
Email me - want to hear your advice.
I'd email you except you dont have contact details on your blog.
Is it me, or do bloggers have no life ?
great post. very true. makes it even more difficult when both parents look at the way they were each raised and think their way will be more successful.
J.
Anon - Yep, you have no life.
JCop - Thanks brother.
DotCo: Every once in a while we get some things right and don't repeat the same parenting mistakes our parents did.
But it doesn't matter - my kids still think we're pathetic. (Though I know they secretly think we're not that bad...)
Great post. And it was a pleasure meeting you tonight.
I think we all just wing it. You try not to repeat your parents mistakes and hope for the best (and as the oldest, I can attest that the first one is always the guinea pig. But I think I turned out ok.)
I will drop you a line!!!!
Post a Comment
<< Home